Norbert Fragg: Happy at Last!
Date: Sun, 15 Aug 1999 23:59:22 EDT
From: Bknt at aol dot com
Subject: Norbert Fragg: Happy at Last!
In my decreasing effort to present the purloined thoughts, knots, bon-mots
and slop pots of that insurmountable but not unpronouncible guitarist,
Norbert Fragg, I have discarded much that is unmentionable, unconscionable
and merely recherche.
I have no explanation as to why the following passage resisted disposal. It
is possible that my kitchen In-Sink-Erator has ceased to function. It is also
possible that Mr. Fragg's ineffably depraved twaddle caused my
chromium-plated plughole to constrict and otherwise gag.
Efforts continue from individuals who shall remain nameless, if only for the
naming of such individuals requires that they retain the copyright in their
work, and that, as a controlling and venal leader, it is my name that becomes
the aim to retain blame in a game based on deception, theft and limericks
rhyming with the distant Scottish town of Fraggish, though it may be inferred
that I am not Scottish nor was meant to be--we Fraggs are originally French,
as my great, great, great, great, great and then, not-so-great grandfather,
De Rigeur Fragg insisted before he was disembowled, beheaded, flatted and
sharped for refusing to give an autograph to His Magesty the Queen Edward II.
Thus, a name can pertain to a process in which on-going matters acquire, if
not require, if not suspire, if not re-wire, the attention of more than one
individual, namely, myself.
For those of insufficient mental capacity to grasp the plangent intricacies
of the previous passage, your thrush-watching, paint-splotching leader
submits to cybervisitors the joyous news that the woeful financial
difficulties of the small, independent record company and tea-and-cappuccino
dispensory known as Insipid Foaming Bile, are hereby forever banished, thanks
to a decision by that peerless craftsman, brilliant artist and sadly
misunderstood American genius, Kenny G, to release his latest work with IFB
Records. Thus, your needy but not greedy leader vibrates with anticipation
for the launching of G Whiz, a gala two-CD set on which this humble guitarist
contributes a groundscape loop.
To celebrate this important document of fin de icesickle mass culture, Mr. G,
in the company of the famed Sufi financial planner and enthusiast of western
business practice, Sheik Rattul En Roll, has suggested a collaborative
venture in the form of a theme park franchise to be built atop a scenic
promontory in the quaintly crapulous village of Itching Drawers,
Lacklustershire. I have spent most of the morning giving due consideration to
the names of the numerous attractions planned for the park. The list, which
is subject to object, if not project, includes the Red Nightmare roller
coaster, the Tight Scrummy Interactive Adventure, Dr. Diamond's Merry
Underground Train, the Wall on Which the Profits Float gift shop, the Dancing
Puppets Revue, the Great Deceiver Souvenir Kiosk (selling cigarettes, ice
cream, figurines of the Virgin Mary...), the Sartori in Tangerine Juice Bar,
Vrooom B'Boom dodge-'em cars, a Wake Up Poseidon raft course, a PerkyerCirkus
Coffee Shoppe, the Ladies of the Road Hotel, What a Perfect Mess art gallery,
and, of special interest to nostalgic enthusiasts, the Starless Exhibition
Hall, in which the wax effigies of numerous musicians who never became famous
shine, shine, depicted in their prime.
The task remains to name the park. I have suggested Fraggland, or, a less
humble variant, FraggWorld. Though I have mentioned to Mr. G that the title
he favors has been released by me in audible form at so many opportunities
that it is in danger of becoming more than ironic, he insists that the park
reflect the spirit in which brain deadening masterpieces of mass produced
monotony reach out and touch someone, anyone, everyone with disposable income.
And so we ask all contributors to the kvetchbook, as well as those who have
blessed me with their silence, to meet Mr. G and myself at the grand opening
of Easy Money, where everyone can buy a thrill. We will provide autographs
with any in-store purchase, and pose for photographs suitable for framing.
I look forward to the habit of happiness and trust that I shall forget the
years I sought something I better that had no name.